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It’s large, yes, but lightweight compared to other body massagers on the market today. Other clitoral stimulators Melissa recommends include the Lelo Sona Sonic and Clitoral Suction Toy to avoid penetration but still experience pleasure. “If penetration has become painful, these are a great way to slowly and gently reintroduce penetration into your sex life at your own pace,” Melissa says of this three-piece dilator set. Redefining pleasure in midlife can require a little homework, Melissa says, adding she often tasks her clients with a short quiz to help them explore what they desire now. “I have worked with women who are in their late 50s who are having the best sex of their lives because we worked on their mindset first and foremost – we know the mind affects the body so we start there,” Melissa says.

Many sex stores and sex toy brands have websites where you can buy products online (they usually mail them in plain packaging for privacy). To make sure your sex toy is really the brand and material you think it is, it’s best to buy from trusted stores or websites that have detailed information about their products. Wash your sex toys with mild soap and water after you use them, and before they touch another person’s genitals.

This category includes everything from anal beads to butt plugs to prostate massagers. “If you’re buying a butt toy, it should always have a flared base that is at least as wide as the largest part of the bulb or beads,” says Alicia Sinclair, a sex educator and founder of B-Vibe. Whether it’s a high-quality cock ring, butt plug, anal beads, prostate massager, or vibrator, a sex toy can inject variety and a little excitement in the bedroom.

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