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My hips were useless at providing any level of thrust at the angle they were asked. The instructional website the company provides says that once the Balldo is inserted, “light thrusting” is possible, which, as marketing overstatements go, is right up there with Red Bull promising the power of flight. You see—and I am addressing the creators of the Balldo when I say “you” here—inserting any kind of phallus into any kind of orifice requires some amount of force or leverage. We use our hips, our core, our arms, etc. to provide the force necessary to perform the penetrative sex that the Balldo is so hyperfixated on. It was fascinating to hold the Balldo in my hand and feel not excitement or even curiosity, but an intellectual challenge.

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